Most of these below steps should be in place before the anger comes, that way, when it appears, an agreed-upon plan can help calm and direct the discussion.
STEP ONE – Acknowledge the reality of anger. Whether your anger is legitimate definitive anger or distorted anger, do not condemn yourself for experiencing anger. Recognize and admit it, remembering that the anger itself is not sinful.
STEP TWO – Agree to acknowledge your anger to each other. Express clearly your feeling of anger when it arises; do not make your spouse guess based on your behavior. Both you and your spouse deserve to know when the other is angry and what he or she is angry about.
STEP THREE – Agree that verbal or physical explosions against the other person are not appropriate responses to anger. Either kind of explosion will always make things worse.
STEP FOUR – Agree to seek an explanation before passing judgment. Remember that your first impression is only tentative; at times it will be faulty. It is easy to misinterpret the words and actions of one’s spouse, so seek your mate’s perspective. He or she may supply valuable missing information that could change your understanding of the issue.
STEP FIVE – Agree to seek a resolution. With more information from your spouse and the fuller perspective, you are ready to find a solution satisfactory to both of you. Resolving the angry feelings may require that you seek the person’s confession and repentance – if the wrong doing is valid and definitive – or recognize your anger as invalid and perhaps selfish – if the anger is distorted. It may even require confession and asking of forgiveness on your part, if the wrongdoing is by you. Whatever the cause, work toward reconciliation between the two of you.
STEP SIX – Agree to affirm your love for each other. After the anger is resolved, verbally declare your love for each other.
God bless you for reading
Rev. Counselor Salifu Alfred
(Sex & Relationship Therapist)